Encourage Problem-Solving When They Face Challenges

You know that moment when your kid is staring down a puzzle piece like it just insulted their entire family, and you’re itching to swoop in with your superior adult puzzle skills? This is about resisting that heroic urge and instead channeling your inner coach—think less ‘let me fix it for you’ and more ‘hmm, what do you think happens if you try it upside down?’ Bonus: you get to practice your Oscar-worthy poker face while your child invents new ways to put pants on a teddy bear. If you’ve ever wanted to shout ‘figure it out, tiny human!’ but felt guilty, this one’s for you.

Letting kids wrestle with problems (instead of solving everything for them) builds their grit, confidence, and those juicy neural connections that help them become creative, independent thinkers. It teaches frustration tolerance (for both of you), strengthens executive function, and gives your child the sweet dopamine hit of ‘I did it myself!’—which, let’s face it, is better than any sticker chart.

How to do it

  1. Take a moment to center yourself—deep breaths can help you stay calm and present.

  2. When your child encounters a challenge, resist the urge to jump in immediately.

  3. Pause and observe before offering assistance.

  4. Ask open-ended questions such as:

    • “What do you think might work?”
    • “Have you tried anything else?”

  5. If your child is truly stuck, offer gentle hints rather than direct solutions.

  6. Celebrate their effort, not just the outcome. For example, say:

    • “Wow, you tried three different ways!”

Key Tips:

  • Focus on guiding rather than rescuing—be the “guide on the side,” not the hero.
  • Encourage problem-solving and persistence.
  • Recognize and praise effort, creativity, and resilience.
  • Save the superhero cape for another time (even if it’s tempting!).

When your child says ‘I can’t do it!’ or looks at you with those big, fix-it eyes.

Pause for three seconds before responding, and ask, ‘What have you tried already?’
Silently high-five yourself for resisting the urge to swoop in (bonus points for a discreet dad-dance).
Put a sticky note on your fridge or phone that says ‘Guide, don’t rescue!’ as a gentle reminder.

When you notice yourself reaching for the toy/puzzle/whatever to fix it.

Instead of fixing, ask one of your prepared questions.
Give yourself a mental gold star for being a patient, wise parent (even if your inner fixer is screaming).
Brainstorm two or three open-ended questions you can use and write them on a card.

When your child’s face scrunches up in frustration during a challenge.

Say out loud, ‘Let’s think about this together,’ and wait for their idea.
Smile and say, ‘Look at us, solving problems like a team!’ (even if the solution is ‘put all the blocks in a pile and call it modern art’).
Set a reminder on your phone that pops up during playtime: ‘Coach, don’t quarterback!’