Involve Them in Age-Appropriate Decision-Making

Ever find yourself negotiating with a three-year-old over which dinosaur shirt is 'less itchy' today? Welcome to the magical world of letting tiny humans make choices—where you pretend to be chill about socks and snack options but are secretly praying they don't pick the glitter yogurt again. If you’re tired of daily power struggles and want to see your kiddo’s decision-making muscles flex (even if it means mismatched shoes), this one’s for you.

Letting kids make choices lights up their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for planning and self-control. It boosts their confidence, teaches them decision-making skills, and reduces tantrums (well, sometimes). For parents, it can lower the power-struggle stress hormones and increase those sweet, sweet moments of cooperation.

How to do it

  1. Offer two or three options that you are genuinely comfortable with. Avoid setting up choices that are obviously uneven, like "ice cream or broccoli."

  2. Use clear and simple language. For example, you might say, "Would you like the red cup or the blue cup?"

  3. Celebrate their choice, even if it’s something you find quirky or repetitive—like picking the polka-dot socks again.

  4. Stay consistent by making this approach a regular part of your routine, not just something you do when you’re desperate for cooperation.

  5. If they can’t decide, offer to flip a coin or let them try again next time.

Key Tips:

  • Only offer choices you’re truly okay with.
  • Keep your language simple and direct.
  • Reinforce the habit by using this strategy regularly.
  • Support their independence by celebrating their decisions.
  • Provide gentle support if they have trouble choosing.

When you’re about to start a daily routine (like breakfast or getting dressed).

Ask, 'Would you like option A or option B?'
Give a high-five or do a silly victory dance together.
Pick out a few go-to options for breakfast, outfits, or bedtime stories and keep them accessible.

Snack time rolls around and you hear the first sign of a hunger meltdown.

Hold out the basket and say, 'You get to choose today!'
Say, 'Great choice! You’re the snack boss!'
Set up a 'choice basket' with two kinds of healthy snacks.

When it’s time for the bedtime routine.

Let your child pick which book to read first.
Snuggle in and say, 'I love your pick!'
Put two bedtime books on the nightstand each evening.