Model Apologizing and Forgiving

Ever tried apologizing to a toddler who just watched you step on their favorite block tower? Welcome to the emotional Olympics—where you’re both judge and competitor in the 'Sorry' sprint. If you’ve ever wished you could hit rewind on that snapped comment or awkward spill, this is your playbook for showing your kids that even grown-ups mess up—and, gasp, fix it. Bonus: you’ll finally get to practice saying 'I’m sorry' to someone who won’t write a strongly worded email.

When kids see you apologize and forgive, they learn empathy, emotional regulation, and how to bounce back from conflict—skills that light up their prefrontal cortex like a toddler with a flashlight at 2 a.m. For you, it’s a fast track to less shame, more connection, and a brain that’s actually practicing flexibility and resilience. Basically, you’re rewiring everyone to handle life’s messes with more grace (and fewer tantrums—yours and theirs).

How to do it

When you make a mistake, acknowledge it out loud. For example, say, "Oops, I got frustrated and yelled. That wasn’t okay." Naming your actions helps your child understand accountability.
Offer a genuine apology. Avoid a rushed or insincere "sorry" as you move on to something else. Take a moment to show you mean it.
Ask your child how they feel about what happened. Listen to their response, even if it's something hard to hear, like "mad at you forever." This shows respect for their feelings.
When your child apologizes to you, model forgiveness by accepting their apology. For example, say, "Thanks for saying sorry for coloring on my shirt. I forgive you." This teaches them how to give and receive forgiveness.
Keep your apologies and conversations short, honest, and free of unnecessary drama. There's no need for lengthy explanations or emotional speeches.

Key Tips:

Be specific about what happened when you apologize.
Listen actively to your child's feelings without interrupting.
Show forgiveness when your child apologizes.
Keep communication simple and sincere.

When you notice you just raised your voice or made a parenting oops.

Pause, take a breath, and say, 'I’m sorry I raised my voice.'

Give yourself a secret thumbs-up or whisper 'nailed it' as you walk away.

Write a sticky note that says 'Everyone messes up. Say sorry anyway.' and stick it on the fridge.

When your child apologizes for something, no matter how small.

Look them in the eye and say, 'Thank you for apologizing. I forgive you.'

Share a silly smile or do a quick happy dance together.

Teach your child a simple 'forgiveness signal' (like a high-five or hug) when someone apologizes.

After any family squabble or mistake (big or small).

Say out loud, 'Let’s fix this together. I’m sorry.'

Take a deep breath and imagine your relationship meter filling up like a video game power-up.

Brainstorm with your partner or co-parent a list of common 'oops' moments and agree to call each other out gently.