Share Household and Parenting Responsibilities Equitably with Your Partner

Ever feel like you’re starring in a sitcom called ‘Who Actually Did the Dishes?’ Or maybe you’re locked in a silent, passive-aggressive battle over who changes the next diaper? If you’ve ever wondered if your partner can see the overflowing laundry basket or if the baby’s cries are on your frequency only, this is your episode. Let’s divide, conquer, and maybe even high-five between messes.

Sharing the load lowers stress for both parents (less resentment, more actual sleep), models teamwork and fairness for your kids (they’re always watching, those tiny judges), and helps everyone’s brains chill out a bit. For kids, seeing both parents involved boosts their sense of security and can even support better social and emotional development. For you? Fewer mental tabs open, more time for snacks.

How to do it

Start with an honest conversation about what needs to get done and who will be responsible for each task. It might feel awkward, but it’s important to get everything out in the open.

Next, make all the invisible tasks visible. Write down every single thing that needs doing, no matter how small. You might be surprised (or amused) by how many tasks there actually are. Once you have your list, divide the tasks fairly.

Choose a system that works for both of you. This could be digital lists, apps, or even sticky notes if you prefer something more hands-on.

Every so often, swap chores. This can keep things fresh and help ensure that the division of labor feels fair.

Set aside time each week to check in with each other. Keep it casual—think of it as a quick team huddle, not a formal performance review.

Don’t forget to celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Even if it’s just acknowledging that “nobody cried during dinner,” take a moment to appreciate your teamwork.

Key Tips:

  • Be open and honest in your conversations.
  • Make sure all tasks, even the small ones, are accounted for.
  • Use whatever organizational tools suit your style.
  • Regularly switch things up to keep things balanced.
  • Keep check-ins positive and low-pressure.
  • Celebrate every win, big or small.

After you both finish dinner cleanup (or whatever 'end of the day' looks like).

Ask your partner: 'Is there one thing I can take off your plate tomorrow?'
Do a victory fist-bump or say, 'Look at us, being grownups!'
Make a shared list (on paper, whiteboard, or an app) of all daily and weekly household and parenting tasks.

When you’re both sitting down with your morning coffee or tea.

Share one thing that went well last week and one thing that was tough.
Clink mugs or do a silly high-five, even if your toddler is watching (especially if they are).
Set a recurring calendar reminder for a 5-minute Sunday check-in about household stuff.

When you walk into the kitchen in the morning.

Pick one small task (like wiping the counter) and just do it, no announcement needed.
Mentally award yourself a 'parenting ninja' badge, or smile at your reflection in the toaster.
Put a sticky note on the fridge that says 'Teamwork points!' as a visual cue.