Express Pride in Who They Are, Not Just What They Do

Ever find yourself clapping like a caffeinated seal every time your kid manages to stack three blocks or put their shoes on the correct feet? Same. But what about those days when the only thing they accomplish is existing in their own quirky, glorious way? Let’s talk about cheering for the tiny human, not just the tiny achievements—because even on 'pajamas-all-day' days, they’re still our favorite weirdos.

Kids who feel valued for who they are (not just what they do) develop stronger self-esteem, resilience, and emotional security. Their brains light up with oxytocin and dopamine when they receive unconditional love and acceptance—think of it as emotional fertilizer for their growing minds. For parents, it’s a relief: you get to drop the performance review hat and just enjoy your kid’s weirdness, which, let’s be honest, is sometimes the best part.

How to do it

  1. Before you say a generic "Great job!", pause and try to offer more specific feedback. For example, say, "I love how kind you are to your sister," or "I’m proud of who you are." This helps them feel valued for their character, not just their achievements.

  2. Share stories that highlight what makes them unique. Focus on their qualities and personality, not just their accomplishments.

  3. Make eye contact and get down to their level when you talk to them. Let them know you truly see and appreciate them, even when they're simply being themselves.

  4. Repeat these steps as often as needed, especially on days when their biggest achievement might be setting a new world record for snack consumption.

Key Tips:

  • Be specific with your praise to reinforce positive behaviors and traits.
  • Celebrate who they are, not just what they do.
  • Consistent, genuine recognition builds self-worth.
  • Small moments matter—acknowledge them even on ordinary days.

When you tuck your child in at night.

Tell your child one thing you love about who they are, not what they did today.
Smile and give yourself a mental high-five for ending the day on a positive note.
Write a short list of three qualities you love about your child (e.g., their curiosity, sense of humor, kindness) and stick it on the fridge.

When you pick your child up from school or daycare.

Say, 'I’m so proud to be your parent, just because you’re you.'
Take a deep breath and soak in the warm-and-fuzzy feels.
Set a daily reminder on your phone labeled 'See the awesome human.'

During family dinner.

Add one slip to the jar about a quality you admire in your child.
Let your child draw a slip and read it aloud, then share a goofy family cheer.
Create a 'You Are Awesome Because' jar with slips of paper nearby.