Remind Them That Being a Good Friend Starts with Being Kind to Themselves

Ever tried to teach your kid about friendship and suddenly realized you’re just as confused as they are? Welcome to the ‘be your own bestie’ club, where we all pretend we’ve mastered self-compassion while stress-eating cookies in the pantry. If your child’s inner critic is as loud as a toddler with a megaphone, this is your sign to help them be a little gentler on themselves—because friendship bracelets are cool, but self-kindness is the real superpower.

When kids practice self-kindness, their brains light up with feel-good chemicals like oxytocin and serotonin, which help them bounce back from setbacks and lower stress. Being gentle with themselves actually strengthens their emotional regulation circuits—so next time they mess up, they’re less likely to spiral and more likely to try again. Bonus: it builds empathy for others, because they know what it’s like to need a little grace.

How to do it

  • Model self-compassion by saying your thoughts out loud when you give yourself a break. For example, you might say, "Well, that was a disaster, but I’m learning!" This shows how to handle mistakes with kindness.

  • Help children name their feelings and talk back to their inner critic. Ask questions like, "Would you say that to your best friend?" This encourages them to treat themselves with the same kindness they show others.

  • Encourage mini self-care rituals. These can be as simple as taking a deep breath, doing a silly dance, or hugging a stuffed animal. Small actions like these help build self-soothing habits.

  • Celebrate small wins in self-kindness. Notice and acknowledge when they are gentle with themselves after a mistake. Recognizing these moments reinforces positive behavior.

Tips:

  • Be consistent in modeling self-compassion.
  • Use open-ended questions to help children reflect on their feelings.
  • Make self-care activities fun and accessible.
  • Offer praise for efforts, not just outcomes.

When your child gets frustrated or self-critical (e.g., after homework or a game).

Ask them to say one kind thing to themselves, even if it’s just ‘i’m trying my best.’
Do a goofy high-five or make a silly face together in the mirror.
Put a sticky note on your child’s mirror that says something encouraging, like ‘be your own best friend!’

At bedtime, right before lights out.

Pick a slip and have your child read it aloud to themselves.
Give them a ‘kindness sticker’ or let them pick a bedtime story.
Create a ‘kindness jar’ with slips of paper listing kind things your child can say to themselves.

When your child is feeling down or after a tough moment.

Play the recording and listen together.
Share a quick cuddle or do a mini victory dance.
Record a short voice memo on your phone of you and your child saying something positive to themselves.